i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
