He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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