Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
