bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
