distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
