it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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