oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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