Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
