Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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