the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There are leaves in my underwear?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
