shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
