hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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