she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
