im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
