that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
