I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
