Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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