just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
