we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
