Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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