you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
