I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
