***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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