Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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