I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
