twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
