he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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