Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
