i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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