Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Enjoy the penises
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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