Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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