How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
