Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
