did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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