Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
