Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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