Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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