If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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