your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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