my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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