just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
