You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize