We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
