life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
