Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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