Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
