I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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