D3 body, D1 cock
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
