know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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