We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
