I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
