You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
