ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
