he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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