I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
