I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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