Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
