i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
