and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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