lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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