News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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