yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
