first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
