How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
